What are the key factors to gain confidence?

By Mei Yee LooOct 02, 2015

Confidence

What is the number one thing people want? As life coaches, we are always meeting new people and asking them about their dreams. What we find is revealing. The number one thing, by far, people wish for ─

It’s confidence.

Ever ask someone to describe their ideal partner? They almost always say: ‘confident’. We all want to be confident and be around confident people. Confidence is magnetic and attractive. Some even say that confidence is more important than looks!

Self-confidence is the most attractive quality a person can have. How can anyone see how great you are, if you can’t see it yourself?

But what exactly is confidence? Some think that it is a personality trait. That the lucky few are just born with confidence, and the rest of us aren’t. But confidence isn’t really innate. When you were a baby, were you a confident walker? Nope. You stumbled and fell and picked yourself up. And now you can walk.

Confidence is really about mastery and success. It’s not a personality trait, it’s a function of skill and experience.

Because many of us are too busy giving into the fear of being judged, the fear of rejection, and fear of humiliation, we never step out of our comfort zones to really build confidence. We make ourselves small, shrinking rather than expanding in the face of opportunities. This further destroys our confidence. So the vicious cycle continues.

Be confident. Too many days are wasted comparing ourselves to others and wishing to be something we aren’t. Everybody has their own strengths and weaknesses, and it is only when you accept everything you are – and aren’t – that you will truly succeed.

So how comfortable are you with yourself? How good are you at being you?

To grow in confidence, take these simple steps to building a great relationship with yourself:

  1. Restore integrity

We gain confidence when we are at a state of wholeness and completeness with ourselves. When what we think, say, and do are in harmony, we are congruent with ourselves. Being congruent gives us personal power and confidence. Practice keeping promises to yourself – if you’ve decided to wake up at 8am, get up once the alarm goes off. If you promised yourself to exercise after work, go do that. When you can trust yourself to follow through, confidence and will flow in your actions and words.

  1. Assume responsibility

We are masters at the blame game. When we’re late, it’s never our fault. There were no cabs. Traffic was bad. The place was really hard to find. That kind of insidious attitude seeps into every aspect of our lives. Pretty soon we’re expecting the government to give us jobs and the world to take care of us, and if anything ever goes wrong, it’s never our fault, it’s someone else. In thinking this way, we give up the power we have in creating our own lives. If we could assume responsibility for our lives, we begin to make things happen, instead of waiting for things to happen to us. That gives us confidence.

  1. Demonstrate courage

It’s nice to be comfortable. It’s nice to feel safe and stay within our comfort zones, for that is where we already have confidence. But are our comfort zones serving us or holding us back? You might be comfortable keeping to yourself and never speaking up at meetings. But that’s not how you build confidence. So take some courage and step outside your comfort zone once in a while.

Don’t you want to know what’s on the other side of you fear?

Find out here about how you can overcome it.